The curious incident of the man in the bathroom

I have thought about whether it’s entirely fair to Fred (see below) to blog about this, and I have my doubts, but really, I find that I cannot let it go unrecorded. I mean, what is a blog for,anyway? There is a funny side to it and I can see that now. But when I heard about it first, it left me feeling stressed, angry and anxious. Bear with me in my attempt to maintain a fiction of pretence. “Names have been changed."

 

It all began as a certain person living with MND (let’s call him Rodney) and one of his personal assistants (let’s call him Fred) prepared for the daily shower. Fred felt the unmistakable signs of an imminent bowel movement and he alerted Rodney to the possibility that the shower might have to be postponed as he answered nature’s call. However, the urgency of the sensations appeared to fade and so he told Rodney it was safe to proceed with the shower. This was a mistake. Having settled Rodney on the shower seat in the wet room and begun the process of washing Rodney’s hair, Fred’s bowels once more called for attention. This time they could not be ignored. Rodney suggested that Fred use the upstairs toilet, for obvious reasons, and Fred concurred. Now, I have often observed that when necessity demands, many people prefer the privacy of their own bathrooms, and clearly Fred belongs to this group of the population. Earlier, he had mentioned his intention to use the toilet at home, as Fred lives only a few doors away from Rodney’s house, but Rodney had objected to this, insisting that he use the toilet upstairs and not leave the house.  Now, in the wet room, as Fred informed Rodney of his urgent request, Rodney once more told Fred expressly to go upstairs and not to go home. Fred agreed. “Ten minutes,” he promised and left the room. Moments later, Rodney, sitting naked on the shower seat in the wet room, heard the front door slam and his heart sank. Fred had locked himself out of the house. Rodney was trapped on the shower seat, wet and dripping. Now, we know that Fred has a short term memory problem, but this is ridiculous. It is a few short steps from the door of the wet room to the bottom of the stairs in Rodney’s house but in the length of time it took for Fred to traverse this space, he forgot that he was to go upstairs. After a time, Fred returned to the house and soon realised what a stupid thing he had done. They conversed through the window of the wet room. Happily, Rodney made no attempts to stand up alone. It was 8.30am on a Wednesday and he figured he only had an hour to wait until the cleaner arrived. And so it proved. As usual, on the dot of 9.30am, the cleaner arrived and let Fred back into the house. Rodney had carefully arranged a selection of shampoos and shower gels on the shower seat to preserve his modesty, just in case she was standing with Fred when he opened the door. But there was no necessity for this precaution. In Rodney's own words, "Disaster had been averted".

 Reader, if you saw it on TV, you wouldn’t believe it could happen. Short term memory loss is tragic and Fred was very contrite.  Rodney was fine, the room was warm and he came to no harm. No further incidents have been reported to date. Precautions have been taken and the matter discussed but what will happen next? Tune in next time...