Dejected looking woman at the kitchen table, listlessly turning the pages of last Saturday’s newspaper: “Nothing planned.”
“I guess so,” she replies, stares out the window for a moment, then goes back to the newspaper.
You get the picture.
When I got back from the Hospice yesterday I felt stressed and sad. It cheered me to read a text from a neighbour, who wondered how I was feeling, home from dropping 'hubby' off to the Hospice. I was honest and told her that I felt stressed and sad, and she sent me some good night hugs. That meant a lot. Little things really help.
So what are the plans for the week? Well, today I was working. Yes, I know but I don't have enough annual leave left to take time this week. I have managed to swap two shifts, however. So I have the rest of the week off. I am beginning to regret arranging for work to be done in the house while he and Kate are away - but it was difficult to think of a better time. It'll be worth it, even though it means it won't be too peaceful around here for a few days. Can't sleep on, but plenty of early nights on the cards. Get this, I set my alarm for six today and slept right through it! Woke up at 7.31am. That has never happened to me since I began working for Missing People. Mad dash to work but what a great sleep! Uninterrupted. I am such a light sleeper and lately I've been waking early, even on my days off, and just getting up because I can't get back to sleep. I've gone back to filling my days with chores (believe me, there are plenty). Is this because my mind at rest can't block out unwelcome thoughts? Roch is often wakeful and I drift in and out of sleep. Sometimes he needs me to help him get out of bed, but not always. I don't feel my sleep is always restful. I feel 'on alert'.
Having said that, bedtime is quite definitely our favourite time of day. Roch says that when we go to bed, he feels 'normal'. The DVD box-set currently on the go is 'The Sopranos' and most nights I tuck us in and we watch an episode before reading for a while.
Anyway, tomorrow I'm all set for a real treat. A pedicure. There's luxury. I am not going to fill my day with chores. I am going to treat myself. I'll let you know how I get on...