In New York

In New York

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

For those of you who dislike sentiment, look away now...

I find that I dream a lot about the past these days. Last night I dreamt about Roch. In my dream he was well, and whole again. He was the young Roch, the Roch I knew in University - kind of jittery, always on the move, thin, blond and sexy. Somehow, the dream me knew there had been problems between us but in the dream those first feelings of overpowering attraction and love were flooding through me again and I needed to tell him how I felt. That nothing had changed. I needed to make him understand that, to tell him that we could work out our problems, and that nothing was as important as being together.

Those first feelings of a brand new love are long gone now. They were replaced by another, calmer love and a shared history together. But last night’s dream allowed me to experience something like those feelings again and I am grateful. In the morning, it went the way of all our dreams and left me only with the memory of what we had shared in the beginning. I felt a little sad when I woke, not least because of how he is diminished now but - what a sweet dream it was. I felt as though I had received a truly astonishing gift. The dream me had felt what it was to love him like that all over again. What we feel may be different now, but nothing is as important as being together. The real me, the MND wife me, can hug that dream close in the days and weeks and months - and years to come.

Young Roch

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